Broken
by Estel Kenobi
Summary: -CONCLUDED- A dark past, never forgotton but believed buried, comes back to haunt Legolas. Aragorn tries in what appears to be vain to help him...and as time passes it looks more and more like he will lose his best friend -NO SLASH-
1. Scarred

Title: Broken  
  
Rating: PG-13 just to be safe. This will be dealing with some sensitive issues.  
  
Summary: Aragorn watches helplessly as a dark past, not forgotten, but believed laid to rest, comes back to haunt Legolas. It nearly broke him last time.can he face it again? Aragorn fights to let Legolas know he is not alone, but will it be enough? Or will he lose his best friend?  
  
Notes: This story is inspired by a situation I am going through with a very close friend right now. In a way.it is a means of letting my own feelings out through writing. Though I had to change many of the scenarios to fit into a ME setting, and took a few creative liberties, a lot of it actually happened. I don't know where this story is going; the situation is far from resolved.  
  
Disclaimers: I don't own LOTR, I make no money of this. I changed a few things around to fit the plot needed (distance, time, people, places, bla bla bla), so go ahead and classify it as an AU both because of that, and because I have no way of knowing how this will end for the reason of it's ties to real life.  
  
~*~  
  
"You are going to pay for that!"  
  
"You have to catch me first!"  
  
"That shouldn't be a problem.."  
  
"That is what you say now..wait till I dunk you again!"  
  
"You didn't dunk me! I slipped."  
  
"Riiiiiiight."  
  
"Why you little..come here!"  
  
It was the summer.a time of beautiful weather, of carefree days, of trying your best to drown your friends. Splashing and shouting, two such friends threw insults as much as water as they roughhoused in a lake, its crystalline beauty only partially marred by the numerous splashes and churned up water.  
  
They were an odd pair.one fair in every way, blond of hair and light of voice.and one more coarse, dark of hair and deep in voice. An elf and a human. But still the best of friends.  
  
And the closer the friends..the more venomous the insults and more furious the attacks. Both had previously removed their tunics, hanging them on a tree branch to keep them safe from the water they felt sure would soon be flying. And fly it did. Fast and furious.  
  
However all such play must reach its end at some point, and eventually the companions tired of trying to kill the other and climbed out of the lake onto the grass to rest. And plot revenge.  
  
The human immediately cast himself to the ground, wearier then his companion. The elf proceeded to pull his damp hair back and began to wrap a leather strap around it to keep the dripping golden locks out of his face.  
  
Aragorn's gaze lazily traveled to his friend's deftly working fingers as they caught on a knot in his hair. He laughed when the elf muttered a curse under his breath. "Having problems?"  
  
"Not at all." Legolas muttered, finally untangling himself from his hair and attempting a second time to pull it back.  
  
"Klutz."  
  
"Excuse me?" The prince of Mirkwood tuned his head with a raised eyebrow, hands still holding his hair in place, "No elf is a klutz *human*. That job was appointed to your race." He shot at his companion with a playful sneer.  
  
"Uh huh." Aragorn stretched out in the grass, turning his back on the elf. "I'm sure."  
  
Legolas finished tying off the leather and dropped to the ground beside the man. "You doubt my wisdom?"  
  
A fit of laughter greeted the elf's ears and his friend rolled over, "What wisdom?" he asked.  
  
"With great age comes great knowledge." Legolas responded haughtily, even as his sparkling blue eyes gave away his teasing.  
  
"So what you're saying," Aragorn stated slowly, a smirk stealing across his face, "Is that you're an old fogy."  
  
Years of training pounded into him, sometimes literally, by his brothers let the ranger catch the arm that sought to smack him. He pulled the elf closer, intending to whisper a threat into his pointed ear, but stopped. Looking at the wrist he held captive, Aragorn noticed something that he never detected before. Small white lines crisscrossed their way across the elf's wrist, only visible to him now because of how close it was to his face and the fact that it was not currently covered by clothing as it normally was. They almost looked like...  
  
His head jerked up. "Legolas.." a strong note of uncertainty carried in the human's voice, "what are these from?"  
  
The elf's smile faded and his face darkened as he pulled his arm away and looked down at the scars. "My past." he whispered.  
  
Aragorn slowly shifted into a sitting position, studying his friend's tense face, "I thought that an elf's injuries did not scar."  
  
"They don't." Legolas stated flatly.  
  
Confusion shone in the young human's eyes. "Then..." he let the partial question hang in the air, looking to his friend for an answer.  
  
Legolas laughed, but it held no humor. Only bitterness. "Strider, it is a different matter when the wounds are self inflicted."  
  
Aragorn frowned at him, "I don't understand."  
  
The blond elf sighed. Looking up to the sky he seemed to loose himself in the wisps of cloud slowly making their way across the sky. Aragorn could clearly see the battle that played itself out across Legolas' face. The elf was wrestling with himself, trying to come to some decision. Finally Legolas let his eyes meet those of his friend, letting the human see the regret and barely hidden pain swimming their icy blue depths. "I used to slit my wrists."  
  
Aragorn blanched. Legolas could have shot him with every arrow in his quiver and he wouldn't have been more shocked. "You what??"  
  
Legolas chuckled at how his friend's eyes bugged out like those of in insect.  
  
"But.but why?"  
  
The elf only shook his head, "That is a subject I would much rather leave buried exactly where it is. It would be too painful to dig it up again."  
  
"But-"  
  
Legolas held up a hand, "It is in the past, my friend. Leave it there. And do not let it bother you."  
  
Aragorn hesitated, uncertainty in his gray eyes, before nodding in agreement. Reluctantly accepting defeat on the matter. Yet he in no way wanted to let this drop. What could possibly have driven his friend to something.something so drastic? But if Legolas said it was in the past, he would just have to take his word on it, and trust that it no longer mattered.  
  
*~  
  
Roughly a year later...  
  
*~  
  
Hoofbeats rang against the ground, as horse and rider came careening into the courtyard.  
  
Aragorn looked up from where he had been giving his stallion a last minute brushing, wondering if this was his friend. A grin broke across his face. Yes.there was Legolas.  
  
"Sorry I'm late." The elf muttered, hurriedly slipping off his snow white horse.  
  
"Don't worry about it." Aragorn chuckled, "Elladan and Elrohir haven't even come outside yet."  
  
Legolas just nodded, not meeting the human's gaze. He spoke a few whispered words to his horse and it trotted a short distance away to snack on the sweet grass. The blond elf crouched down, removing his quiver from its place on his back and examining the fletching on his arrows.  
  
Aragorn watched his friend from over the back of his horse, working a persistent bur out of the chestnut's mane. It almost seemed as if some dark rain cloud had decided to settle directly over the elf. And if he didn't know better he would have said that Legolas was fidgeting. "Is something wrong?" he asked.  
  
Legolas looked up sharply, briefly locking eyes with his friend, then just as quickly went back to his arrows. "Is anything ever right?"  
  
Aragorn frowned, his gray eyes quickly reaching a stormy quality that signaled deep frustration, "It's your father again, isn't it?"  
  
Legolas sighed but didn't answer. He didn't need to at this point. Aragorn knew. It was always his father. Thranduil was like no one the ranger had ever met before. His mind defied all logic, and Aragorn knew the unrealistic goals he set for his son were a constant source of tension for Legolas.  
  
"What is it this time?" he asked, almost dreading the answer. What new notion had the king come up with to torment his son *this* time?  
  
Legolas laughed bitterly, "Just the usual..I'm a selfish ungrateful brat, incapable of doing anything correctly, I have no respect for him or anything .."  
  
Aragorn growled deep in his throat, "That's such a load of orc crap.."  
  
The elf looked up long enough to favor him with a sarcastic smile. "You are telling me this?"  
  
"You're right..I should be telling it to Thranduil.."  
  
Legolas shook his head. "Don't. He will only take it out on me." He looked up as Aragorn's horse whinnied in displeasure and bared its teeth at the ranger. "He doesn't like you brushing him that hard." he commented with an amused smirk.  
  
Indeed Aragorn had been using far more force then necessary with the brush as a result of his mounting anger. He blushed and whispered an apology to his mount, which shook his head, sending his mane into the ranger's face, as a warning not to do that again.  
  
Legolas slung his quiver back over his shoulder and clasped his friend's arm, "I intend to let this hunt take my mind off home. Do not let it trouble you Estel."  
  
The human lifted eyes filled with sadness to meet those of his friend. "How can I not?" he whispered.  
  
Legolas smiled, giving his arm an affectionate squeeze, "It is a burden meant for my shoulders, do not to let it fall upon your own as well." The elf tuned away as Elladan and Elrohir came bounding down the steps of the house, calling a greeting and making a wry comment about laziness.  
  
*Nay, my friend....* Aragorn thought sadly. *Your burdens are my own*  
  
TBC.. 


	2. A day to forget

Really REALLY short post...UGH only a page long.. _ .. sorry. I'll try to make them longer in the future...but one never knows. Also don't know how often I'll be able to post...I'm gonna shoot for once a week, but again, don't know for sure.  
  
orion: One of the problems that arises when trying to blend two very different worlds. (plus it doesn't help that I wrote that part at midnight with my mom yelling at me to get offline). I went back and changed it to something more fitting ;) ...  
  
jacobs_angel86: yea well.this one is even shorter...::cringes and runs away:: SORRY!  
  
MoroTheWolfGod , Lady Jaina , and Tithen Min, Thank you so much for reviewing! It is very much appreciated. I'm glad you're enjoying it.  
  
*~*  
  
Gray eyes darkened another shade in worry as they observed the slight limp damaging a normally graceful bearing, "Legolas, you should be staying off your knee."  
  
The elf rolled his eyes, letting his annoyance show plainly in his face, "Its fine Estel. It isn't even sprained."  
  
"So that is reason for you to make it worse?"  
  
"I am not making it worse."  
  
"Legolas-"  
  
"Aragorn." The elf grabbed his arm, pulling the human close so he could clearly see the vexation in his icy blue eyes, "It is *fine*." Legolas ground out every word with deliberate force so the point would not be lost on his friend.  
  
The ranger sighed and waited for the elf to release his arm, keeping his opinions of just how 'fine' his friend was to himself at the moment.  
  
With a last pointed stare, Legolas did let him go and turned away, almost succeeding in totally disguising him limp this time.  
  
"Don't worry Estel," Elladan clapped his brother on the shoulder, looking ahead to the blond elf with a smirk and speaking loud enough for him to hear, "this isn't the first time he has injured that knee.*is* it Legolas?!"  
  
"Nether will it be the last!" Legolas called over his shoulder with a chuckle.  
  
Elrohir dropped down from the trees where he had been walking, landing in a crouch and favoring the woodland prince with his own smirk as the elf walked past him. "If I didn't know better, I would call you accident prone, my friend."  
  
Legolas spun on his heel, mock hurt in his wide eyes, "I am not!"  
  
The noldor elf straightened and crossed his arms. "Then what's your excuse for that little stunt before?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.  
  
"The slope was slippery!" Legolas defended himself, trying to keep up an air of offended royalty while struggling not to laugh.  
  
Elladan shook his head and jogged to catch up with them, whispering something in Legolas' pointed ear that made the prince throw back his head and laugh.  
  
Aragorn felt a smile steal across his face. At points such as this it was easy to think that everything was well with Legolas. He was enjoying himself, the cloud had lifted for a time. But the ranger knew it would not last. As genuine as Legolas' smile seemed, it was still a part of mask that he wore. Inside, something was still eating at him. Something that would not allow the elf the peace he sought. He would get close...but just as his fingers brushed it, it was yanked a little further out of reach.  
  
He shook his head. No sense in ruining a fine day with worry. His friend was happy..even if it was only temporary. *Let Legolas have his day to forget. Or try to anyway...* 


	3. History and Fears

Another short post...I'm beginning to think they might all be like this. But if I keep updating a few times a week it won't be too bad, right?  
  
Ok I need to straighten a few things out...first off, it seems like a lot of people had comments that the language doesn't seem to fit that of Middle Earth. I agree. And it most stories I wouldn't even think about using words like 'klutz' or 'crap'...I'm hard core LOTR, I *know* they wouldn't talk like modern day teenagers. But guess what? That's what I am. =P . And I know I stated several times before that this is a mirror of a real life situation. I'm trying to balance two extremely different worlds here, a few compromises will be necessary. So just please bear with me as I continue to try and sort this out.  
  
Another Disclaimer: Yea, I don't own Lifehouse ether. Or any of their lyrics. DUH.  
  
Ok I need to say a HUGE thank you to everyone that reviewed. I honestly didn't really expect many people to read this.  
  
Kayleigh-talitha: Well for your information I HAVE read the books =P. My trilogy looks rather ratty with all the abuse they've taken ;). I'll be starting 'The Similarion' soon (on my bookshelf just waiting for me), and I've been eyeing a copy of 'The Lost Tales' at Borders. I'm glad your patient...you may very well need that virtue depending on how often I can post...  
  
Tithen Min: *pointedly ignores comment about shortness* ;) Wow...I never thought my writing was *that* good...but thanks. Hope you continue to enjoy it.  
  
Paper Crane: Good question...in all honestly I never really thought about how old they were. Hmm...I guess Aragorn is around 25 and Legolas is probly around 2,500 or something like that. And uh.SLASH??? *is violently ill* Not a chance in heck. I hate slash with a passion. But thanks for pointing that out...*runs and adds 'no slash' to summary*  
  
MoroTheWolfGod , Torture-the-elf (you killed Legolas! You're evil! =p), tamara , Again...BIG thank you s to all. I'm so honored that you're enjoying the story  
  
Now I better stop yakking before this gets longer then the post... _  
  
~*~  
  
It wasn't long before Legolas had to go home. His only response to pleads for him to stay was a mumbled excuse about having to train a group of his father's troops.  
  
Aragorn had watched him ride away with sadness shining in his eyes. All he wanted was to keep his friend away from the pain being home seemed to cause him. Was Lagaslan even a home to the elf? Wasn't 'home' supposed to be a place where you felt safe...where your first instinct was to run to when things went wrong?  
  
Yet it seemed like it was the exact opposite for Legolas. He knew that it was a rare time that Legolas actually enjoyed being around his father. In fact the prince looked for any excuse he could find to spend as much time as possible *away*.  
  
Whenever the ranger had come to Lagaslan to visit his friend, it was glaringly obvious that Legolas was tense, as if he was just waiting for something to go wrong. It wasn't uncommon for the elf and his father to have one of their 'talks'. He wondered why Legolas called it that. There was hardly ever any talking done. Just shouting that could be heard several halls away, most of it coming from Thranduil. Along with words that seemed the very antonym of Legolas. Selfish. Ungrateful. Ignorant.  
  
At least when he was in Imladris the prince could relax. And though a shadow of hopelessness still clung to him...he could smile. He could laugh. He could live.  
  
Aragorn just hoped it would remain a shadow. And not grow into something palpable enough to break his spirit. That had almost happened once. A long time ago.  
  
The ranger had pulled together little bits and pieces of the past Legolas was so reluctant to talk about. Some he managed to coax from the Legolas himself, some he had garnered from a few of the elf's friends in Mirkwood, but most had come from Haldir.  
  
Aragorn had learned that Haldir had spent the better part of a century in Mirkwood before he moved to Lorien permanently. In those years he had become a very close friend of Legolas. Even closer then the ranger was now. Haldir had told Aragorn a very disturbing tale of the woodland king.  
  
Thranduil had a horrible temper, everyone knew that. But what most did not know..was that he had a nasty habit of taking out his anger on his son.  
  
Blue eyes had hardened to orbs of pure ice as the elf recounted the bruises he had seen his friend try to shrug off, the tears he had cried when he could hold in his pain no longer.  
  
Aragorn was sure this was the reason Legolas had once slit his wrists. Haldir knew of this as well and had in fact greatly helped the prince in overcoming the tendency. Even going to such lengths as sleeping outside Legolas' room to make sure he did nothing further to harm himself.  
  
Rather then follow Legolas' request of silence about the actions of his father, Haldir had gone to Celeborn, one of the few who still held sway over Thranduil.  
  
Together Haldir and Celeborn confronted Thranduil, and although Aragorn had never quite gotten the full details, apparently the resulting encounter had succeeded in curbing the elven king's vicious habit.  
  
At least for a while. Haldir was no longer around to keep an eye on things. The ranger felt a deep dread at the thought that Thranduil might have rekindled the abuse. Perhaps not to the same degree as before...but even a small number of strikes could help to drive Legolas back over the edge he had struggled so long to rise above.  
  
Aragorn had to admit he feared for his friend sometimes. Feared what might be done to him, feared what he might do to himself, feared that one day his strength would finally break under the strain it was constantly placed under.  
  
If he had been honest with himself from the beginning instead of trying to reason away his fears as irrational, he might have admitted that there was a very real chance they were warranted. He had only the vaguest of ideas what life must be like for Legolas. Day after day...rarely an escape.  
  
Legolas had told him on multiple occasions that sometimes the only way to stay anywhere close to sane was to lock himself in his room for hours on end. Or take long walks alone on the paths of Mirkwood, far from Lagaslan. Aragorn had expressed concern at the prince wandering alone with the many dangers of those woods, but Legolas had only shrugged as if it didn't matter.  
  
Maybe he though that *he* didn't matter. That no one cared if he lived or died. That he was utterly useless and would amount to nothing. How many lies, fed to him over and over throughout his long life, had Legolas come to falsely believe were true?  
  
Worse yet...did he believe he was alone?  
  
~ Can't be weak Can't stand still Watch your back Cause no one will  
  
Don't believe these lies that they told to you Not one word is true You're alright..you're alright...you're alright... ~  
  
~Lifehouse~  
TBC... 


	4. Memories

AIYA!!! I am SO sorry for the long wait! And I also meant for this chapter to be A LOT longer (like another 2 pages) but I figure you all have waited far too long as it is so I just split it up since the other half STILL isn't finished.*pauses for breath* ah.mouthful.NEways.  
  
I meant to apologize for the total lack of dialogue in the previous chapter, it was however necessary to provide some much needed back story and since none of you really seemed to mind so I guess it was ok. And again, many apologies for the shortness. _ .I tried, really I did, but it didn't work out this time around.  
  
Orion: AH! I missed you last chap! SO SORRY! Ok first review: Have you ever heard that song 'Iris' by the Goo Goo Dolls? "When everything feels like the movies...yea, ya bleed just to know you're alive." I don't pretend to know the thoughts of my friend, and that's the only way I can think of to try and explain what I do know. And to your other question...well, you'll have to wait and see. Second review: Thank you so much! That means a lot.  
  
Tamara: Well he's certainly going to try.  
  
ZeldaDragon: Yea...it bites. And thanks, your prayers are greatly appreciated.  
  
Kayleigh-talitha: Well...I hope you used that patience this time around..._ And how could I not read the books? They kick!  
  
Tithen Min: lol but it WAS short. And...JEALOUS?? O.o er.how?  
  
Sabercrazy: AH! You found me...should I be worried? I have my reasons for asking siri to wait till it's finished before she reads it, and yes I know she hates it. I love Thranduil too! He's incredibly cool, but the only way to mirror what's happening here in real life is to make him into a heartless jerk. I don't think he's like that in ME, believe me.  
  
Anthem: It hurts to watch a friend be hurt. But you know what? It's true when they say that the hard time make you grow stronger together. (ether that or it will break you completely, it's up to you how you will handle it). Glad you're liking the story.  
  
incomplete13: Now =P  
  
Lady Jaina: yes angst is always a good thing in the fanfic realm. In real life it sucks...but in ME, how can we resist?  
  
~  
  
*Why does father insist on these meetings?* Aragorn wondered dully as he walked a well worn path with deliberate slowness. His boot heels clicked against slate gray stone as he turned off the dirt path onto the one that would lead him to where the council meeting was to be held.  
  
He sighed. This was only the first of a long string of sessions with a rather large council that would stretch several days at the least. They held the promise of being VERY boring. But as a son of Elrond, he was of course required to attend.  
  
Passing the courtyard, his steps came to a halt as the ranger caught sight of a familiar white stallion. The representatives of Mirkwood had arrived. Apparently he had been correct in assuming that Legolas would leap at the chance to get out of the palace.  
  
Gray eyes roved over the wood elves, and Aragorn nearly balked when they came to rest on his friend. The dark cloud that always seemed to hover over the elf had grown into a full-fledged thunderstorm. *Damn.now what?*  
  
He waved to catch the prince's attention and received only a curt nod in acknowledgement and greeting. Legolas whispered something to his companion who nodded and led their horses to the stables.  
  
Mirkwood's heir walked up the path as if he half expected half wanted the ground to suddenly open up and swallow him whole. He stopped in front of Aragorn and gave the human a feeble smile. "Is there time for me to freshen up before the meeting? It was a long ride."  
  
Aragorn nodded, "Yes, I am early. I was intending on finding an unobtrusive place to nap the meeting away. Shall I save you a seat?"  
  
"If you want to. I'll see you in a little bit."  
  
Aragorn clasped a comforting hand on the elf's shoulder as he moved past into the house. Legolas did not respond.  
  
~  
  
Legolas made his appearance bare minutes before Elrond started the meeting, quietly slipping into his seat beside Aragorn with his usual elven grace. He had discarded his travel cloak and combed his windblown hair, retying the golden braids.  
  
Aragorn frowned when he noticed the archer had not discarded his arm guards. Of course the elf had worn them on his journey to Rivendel, who knew what his party might have stumbled across requiring his skill as an archer, but why wear them here IN Imladris?  
  
A small tremor of fear raced up the human's spine, raising gooseflesh along his arms...  
  
-flashback-  
  
The sun had set bare minutes ago and its lingering glow tinged the quickly darkening sky brilliant shades of orange.  
  
"I don't understand Haldir," the young human murmured as he walked through the gardens side by side with his friend, "How could it have come to that?"  
  
The elf clasped his hands behind his back, blue eyes lingering on the last visage of color in the western sky. "There is much you do not yet know of him or his life, young one. And it is not my place to tell you more then I already have."  
  
Aragorn nodded, "I understand. Perhaps one day he will trust me enough to tell me himself."  
  
A smile tugged at the edges of the elf's mouth as he shifted his gaze from the heavens to the Dunadan at his side, "It is not a matter of trust my friend. Rather it is more a matter of overcoming himself long enough to unlock an injured part of his heart for someone else to see."  
  
The human sighed, leaning against the trunk of a beech tree and gazing up into its vast spreading branches. "You make it sound so complicated..."  
  
"Perhaps because that's exactly what it is." Haldir ran his hand over the smooth bark, feeling its contours and pausing at an old scar. It seemed that an elfling had been practicing his archery away from the ranges.  
  
"You don't think..." Aragorn trailed off.  
  
The elf looked at him expectantly, waiting for the human to finish his thought.  
  
Aragorn shifted in discomfort, not wanting to give voice to his fear, but feeling the burning need to have an answer to his question. "You..you don't think he would ever do that again, do you? Like now?"  
  
Haldir's cool blue eyes darkened in sadness. "I don't know Estel. I would like to think that he has truly left it behind...but I know that it's still there, lurking just under the surface and waiting for the right chance drag him down again," the elf looked up suddenly, worried, "Why?"  
  
Aragorn sighed and crossed his arms, "Oh, I dunno. He's just seemed so depressed lately."  
  
The elf frowned, "He hasn't been wearing his arm guards has he?"  
  
"Of course he has," Aragorn laughed, "He's an archer! What do you expect?"  
  
Haldir chuckled, acknowledging how ridiculous the question seemed. "Of course, that is a given. But I'm talking about when he has no need of them, when he is simply relaxing. Does he still have them on?"  
  
The human thought a moment, and then shook his head. "Not that I can recall. Why?"  
  
Haldir sighed and bent his head, golden hair falling over his shoulders to hide his face, but not the look of rekindled sadness shining in his eyes. "That's what he used to do when...to hide what he had done to himself."  
  
-end flashback-  
  
Aragorn shook his head and the memory faded. He was overreacting. *Legolas left that time in his life behind him a long time ago. He would never go back.* Again the ranger spared a glance at the leather guards that covered the lower portion of Legolas' arms. *would he?*  
  
TBC... 


	5. This is no dream

Ok I'll say right now that I'm kinda unhappy with this chapter. I realize that all of you will most likely enjoy it, but it's the pivotal point in this story and frankly I expected better of myself. On that dreary note...  
  
P.S. I have no idea when I'll be able to update again.  
  
wispykitty: Yikes I did all that? Wow.er.you're welcome?  
  
Tithen Min: Now hold up! I read one of your stories and I loved it! I'm hooked! Mine is SO not better then yours!  
  
Paper Crane: Yes things are definitely heating up, boiling even.  
  
Ankhesanamun: Ok  
  
Tamara: I know.they're ALL too short. Wasn't my intent but that's how it wound up.  
  
Raven: I have found that far too many people struggle with this. It's an issue that NEEDS to be raised, People need to know that this is out there...and prevalently.  
  
Anthem: Things were getting better, but I dunno it seems to be starting to slide downhill again.  
  
orion: You've re-read this? I cannot fathom why! *scratches head* Nope.doesn't compute. Ok.here's the deal.longer chapters, or posts more often. Choose; you can't have both. =P Sry but that's the way it has to be for now.  
  
~*~  
  
~ I am a little bit insecure, a little unconfident.  
  
Cause you don't understand I do what I can but sometimes I don't make sense.  
  
I say what you never wanna say but I've never had a doubt.  
  
It's like no matter what I do I can't convince you for once just to hear me out.  
  
So I let go, watching you turn your back like you always do.  
  
Face away and pretend that I'm not.  
  
But I'll be here 'cause you're all that I've got ~  
  
~ Linkin Park ~  
  
Moonlight filtered through leaves tinged red gold by the changing seasons. The whispering air stirred them with a light breeze carrying the lingering warmth of a late autumn.  
  
But Aragorn did not feel the warmth. He was cold from the inside out. Kept frozen by his current all encompassing terror.  
  
Things only seemed to be getting worse...gradually escalating to a degree that threatened to shatter his own sanity as well as that of his friend. For the young ranger was helpless to stop any of it. Left alone, without any way to give Legolas aid. It was a suffocating feeling, seeking to steal his sleep, and at times his very breath, away from him.  
  
And he was finding it very hard to breath at the moment...very hard indeed. The air his lungs were screaming for caught in his throat, and for now he had almost forgotten how to inhale. Snatches of conversation floated in and out of his awareness; he barely heard it over the rushing in his ears. *It can't be...* the anguished thought was torn out of his desperation, his burning need for this to be dream he would soon wake from.  
  
But fate would not be so kind to the young man. This was no dream, and the words his friend had spoken repeated themselves over and over within the tortured confines of his mind.  
  
~  
  
Several minutes previous...  
  
~  
  
True to prediction the first meeting HAD been long and boring, and Aragorn had in fact nearly fallen asleep. Now the soft glow that clung to all elves could be seen all about the gardens as they leisurely walked the winding paths, some chatting amongst themselves or quietly singing to the stars.  
  
Aragorn, Legolas, and their friend Valina, sat off by themselves not really saying anything. Valina was perched on the lowest branch of the tree they had chosen to rest under, one leg bent before him the other dangled in the air, swinging back and forth as the elf absently twirled a twig in his fingers. Legolas sat on the marble bench with his head bowed and his arms wrapped tightly around him; he had barely spoken since arriving at Imladris and didn't seem at all interested in changing that now. Aragorn for his part had flopped to ground in typical human fashion, leaning back against the bench Legolas was seated on and trying his best to ignore the silence pressing down on the trio.  
  
A loud sigh broke the stillness followed by the sound of a twig snapping in two. "That's it..." Valina grumbled before jumping down from the tree. No sooner had his feet touched the ground then the elf was marching towards Legolas. He dropped to the bench with a soft 'wuff' of air and stared at the prince until Legolas raised his head to look at him. "What's wrong?" he demanded.  
  
Legolas said nothing and simply dropped his gaze back and the fallen leaves that littered the ground.  
  
"What is wrong?" Valina repeated himself, with more force behind his words. He wanted answers to why his friend was acting thus and he would not be put off.  
  
The prince of Mirkwood slowly raised his head and stared straight in front of him, blue eyes devoid of all emotion. Valina waited, searching his friend's face, content for now to let the younger elf answer in his own time. Finally Legolas sighed, "I lost my sanity." he whispered.  
  
Valina blinked, uncertain if perhaps his ears were deceiving him, "You what?"  
  
"I lost my sanity" Legolas repeated, not moving in the slightest. "And I really regret it...for now I must live with the scars."  
  
A sudden intake of air caught in Aragorn's throat, forcing its way out as a strangled gasp, *No...*  
  
"What are you talking about?" Valina asked in deep confusion.  
  
Legolas did not answer, but slid his arm guard off and offered his wrist to the other elf, letting that speak for him. Valina frowned, searching Legolas' face again. Finding nothing to help him he let his gaze drop to the prince's wrist. Green eyes widened in stunned disbelief.  
  
Twisting around the ranger peered over the marble seat, trying to see without calling attention to himself. But even with the full moon, the light was too dim for his mortal eyesight and he turned back around, pressing against the white marble till it bit into his back. He did not need to see.  
  
His fear had been confirmed.  
  
~  
  
So here the young man sat, withering grass beneath his clenched fists, stars shimmering far overhead, surrounded by peace but with chaos inside. Thought refused to focus but ran unchecked without destination or purpose in meaningless circles about his suffering mind.  
  
Eventually he realized that his name had been mentioned and worked his way up through the sea of turmoil to where he could drag his attention back to present as best he could. He blinked, Legolas and Valina were staring at him. "What?" he asked.  
  
Legolas shook his head with a faint smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth and Valina chuckled. "Never mind."  
  
Aragorn nodded and turned back around surmising they had asked if he was listening. He had heard enough however. Sifting through his jumbled thoughts the ranger could dimly recall Valina offering Legolas words of comfort, but just barely.  
  
It wasn't long, at least to his reckoning that the human wasn't sure he could even trust, before Valina sighed, "It is late," he announced. "We should retire for the night."  
  
The trio rose and walked the path through the garden that would lead them back to the main house. The moon at their back cast distorted shadows on the path before them. All the while Aragorn raked his brain for something he could say to Legolas. What was there to be said? By the time they had entered the hall where they were forced to part ways and go to their separate rooms he could think of only one thing to say.  
  
He embraced his friend, not in the manner of elves, but an honest to goodness human hug. Legolas stiffened a bare second before returning the gesture, letting himself melt into the human's arms.  
  
"I'm sorry." Aragorn whispered.  
  
Legolas gave his shoulder a squeeze and smiled dimly, "We will talk later."  
  
Aragorn watched him walk down the hall to his room, waiting till he heard the door click closed before turning and retreating to his own room. The ranger closed his door with a shuddering breath, leaning against the carved wood and wiping a stray tear off his cheek.  
  
TBC... 


	6. Alone Again

Again..a million and one apologies for being crappy with posting and short chaps. I'm just dealing with a lot right now and don't always get the time or inspiration I need.  
  
CanIsay: that was Microsoft Word and fanfic being pains in the arse. It was supposed to be three periods like so '...' As you can see, I've since figured out how to compensate. Hope you got around to reading the other chaps.  
  
Kat: As do I.  
  
Anthem: It's like a roller coaster. Up and down and back again in a never ending ride that leaves you breathless and makes you want to scream.  
  
sabercrazy: define 'action'...  
  
Drunk on Tang: *sigh* indeed.  
  
Tamara: My thanks for sticking with me this long. The posting schedule totally sucks, I know.  
  
*~*~*  
  
The next morning dawned bright and clear, the sun setting the few wispy clouds ablaze with hues of gold and orange as it slowly rose across the beautifully blue heavens.  
  
Aragorn was almost angry at the sky for showcasing such beauty. He glared at the birds that sang sweetly from the treetops and kicked every pebble he passed. How could the world go on like normal while his friend suffered? It wasn't fair. Life wasn't fair. Why had he been granted a family who loved him while Legolas was forced to endure torment at the hands of his father?  
  
His anger burned bright but even stronger was the cold fear churning inside him, turning the blood in his veins to ice and numbing him till he wasn't sure he even felt the sharp pain piercing his heart anymore.  
  
Drowning in his moody thoughts, Aragorn was not paying attention to where he walked and bumped into someone traversing the same path. He mumbled a quick apology and started to push past the elf, then froze, "Haldir?"  
  
The captain of Lorien smiled at him and hooked an arm around the man's shoulders, tousling his brown hair, "It has been too long Estel."  
  
"Yes it has." Aragorn freed himself from the elf's grip and took a step back, a smile starting to form on his lips. If Haldir was in Rivendel, then he would know what to do about Legolas. He had helped the prince overcome this once before.he could do it again. With that realization it seemed as if a great weight lifted off the ranger's shoulders.  
  
Haldir gestured for him to follow and the pair walked to the house together. The Lorien elf explained that his party had been delayed due to an attack by wargs halfway to Imladris. Upon request, Aragorn told of his brothers' latest practical jokes; and also grumbled good naturedly about the absurd length of yesterday's council.  
  
The ranger's smile faltered when they entered the house. This staircase.Legolas loved to slide down the banister on one foot when Elrond wasn't looking. Aragorn fingered the forest green railing, noticing how the ivy clinging to it had grown much longer since the last time Legolas had done that.  
  
Haldir touched his shoulder, "Estel.what is wrong?"  
  
"Legolas...he..." Aragorn bit his lip, gripping the railing with both hands till his knuckles turned white as he stared straight ahead seeking to loose himself in the tapestry adorning the far wall, "he is...wearing his arm braces again..."  
  
Immediately Haldir's cool blue eyes darkened and took on a dangerous glint, "You are certain of this?"  
  
The human nodded miserably. He waited, trying to decipher the variety of emotions chasing each other across the immortal's face. Abruptly Haldir turned and slowly walked up the remaining stairs, turning his back on the human and sitting on the banister. Tense shoulders and a dark countenance warned Aragorn to keep his distance till the elf had dealt with his emotions. The ranger sat on a step and rested his elbows on his knees with his chin in his hands.  
  
Eventually Haldir sighed and slid off the banister. "I knew this would happen one day. But I suppose I always held a hope deep within my heart that it would not be so." Gathering his composure, the blond elf took a deep breath and turned to face his human companion. "I will speak with him before I leave."  
  
Panic rose in Aragorn and he leaped to his feet, nearly tumbling down the stairs, "You're leaving??!"  
  
Haldir nodded, "At first light tomorrow. I am sorry Estel."  
  
Nodding numbly, Aragorn sat back down on the stairs. All the weight settled back on his shoulders; uncertainty rising in his stomach causing a feeling of sharp nausea. He was alone again...  
  
"What am I going to do Haldir? What *can* I do?"  
  
A hand rested gently on his shoulder trying to offer what comfort and support was possible. "All you can do is be there for him."  
  
"Surely there is more."  
  
"Not really. What he needs most is to be reminded day by day that he is not alone."  
  
*What he needs, I cannot give him* The Dunadain gave no voice to his thoughts, simply nodding. He didn't want to argue with the elf and he knew that Haldir would not understand. *I can't be like you, friend...I can't do what you did for him*  
  
Haldir patted his shoulder and smiled as best he could. "I should go."  
  
Aragorn watched him leave feeling very lost and very alone. He didn't like being so helpless. He was a ranger for crying out loud! He should have been able to think of a course of action long before now. But he hadn't, and Aragorn was beginning to doubt he ever would.  
  
He began to walk, unsure of his destination, but needing to move. He could loose himself in the steady rhythm of his footsteps. Maybe if he tried hard enough, he could he could drown out the doubts in his head with the pounding beat of his heart.  
  
A flash of gold at the end of the hall caught his eye and the ranger looked up. Legolas.  
  
He had to turn away. Aragorn couldn't face his friend just yet. His heart screamed at him to run up to the elf, hug him, comfort him, let him know he wasn't alone; tell him it was going to be alright. But he couldn't. Aragorn didn't know if everything was going to be alright and his feet carried him away from his friend.  
  
There was already a chink in Legolas' armor. He had opened up for the shortest time, to Valina, the mask he wore had a crack in it. But would the opening serve to admit a healing balm on his injured heart...or an arrow, a killing blow.  
  
Finally...the elf had reached a point where he could no longer pretend that everything was okay. The cracked mask was slipping. It was frightening. Elves were immortal, Aragorn had never really thought about loosing his family and friends. But grief could kill an elf. If Legolas could find no way out of this...  
  
Aragorn shook his head. He couldn't think like that. As hard as it was, he had to have hope.  
  
Finding himself on the topmost level of the last homely house, Aragorn walked out onto the balcony. It stretched the entire length of the house, built around trees, affording the best view of the valley. Clenching the railing and hunching his shoulders, the human closed his eyes against the sudden wind blowing his brown hair back and swirling last years leaves in a miniature cyclone about his stiff frame.  
  
Dark clouds heavy with rain eclipsed the sun, blocking its warm golden rays and adding a chilly nip to the biting wind. Thunder rumbled in the distance.  
  
Legolas loved storms. Perhaps tonight he could find himself in the countless raindrops falling to the thirsty earth. Aragorn would try to do to the same. But most likely the rain would only serve to mingle with his tears. All that the ranger wanted was for his friend to be happy. Was that too much to ask?  
  
~  
  
Now, don't just walk away,  
  
Pretending everything's ok...  
  
And I know there's just no use,  
  
When all your lies become your truth...  
  
Could you look me in the eye,  
  
And tell me that you're happy now?  
  
Would you tell it to my face,  
  
or have I been erased?  
  
Would you look me in the eye?  
  
Could you look me in the eye?  
  
I've had all that I can take,  
  
And I'm about to break...  
  
Are you happy...?  
  
~ Michelle Branch ~ 


	7. Promises

I need another  
Like a brother  
For a cryin' shoulder...  
  
...A petty maze of emptiness,  
I've said 'the hell with all the rest'...  
  
...And I can feel my soul  
It's bleeding...  
  
~3 Doors Down~  
  
~*~*~  
  
That night, Aragorn had a very hard time getting his mind to quiet down enough to allow himself rest. As lightning flashed and thunder cracked, seeming to shake the house, he tossed and turned; tormented with grief and fearful images of what could be.  
  
The storm had passed when fatigue finally laid its claim on his weary mind. As a result he overslept the next morning and Haldir had long since been gone by the time he finally trudged down the stairs, trying to rid himself of the gritty feeling behind his eyes.  
  
The ranger passed by the kitchens and headed straight for the sunlight winking though the trees outside. He wasn't hungry. Truth be told, he felt absolutely sick and food was the last thing on his mind. The ground squished under his boots as he wandered the muddy grounds...finding himself in the gardens once again.  
  
His steps led him to a pergola that was still somewhat dry after last night's storm. Dropping onto a divan with a sigh, Aragorn stretched out his lanky frame and draped an arm over his eyes, shielding them from the sun's glare. He felt...numb. Like all the confusion and uncertainty had stripped him of emotion. Save perhaps for a lingering icy thread of fear.  
  
"Estel?"  
  
The ranger jerked his arm away in surprise, "Elrohir? What is it?"  
  
"You were not at breakfast..." the elf frowned, worry in his blue gaze. "Is something wrong?"  
  
That one simple question, uttered with quiet brotherly concern, held deep within it a hidden power to make the man break down completely against his own will. Aragorn's face crumpled as every barely suppressed emotion from the past several days that a moment before he had felt completely devoid of came bubbling to the surface and tears sprang into his slate gray eyes before he could stop them. "Oh Elrohir..."  
  
Alarmed, the elf quickly sat down and wrapped his arms around his brother. "Hey...shh...calm down Estel, what is the matter?.. .Estel?"  
  
For a several heart wrenching moments all that the human could do was sob on Elrohir's shoulder. "It...it is Legolas," he finally managed to gasp out between his tears.  
  
"Easy now...just take it easy," the elf soothed.  
  
Aragorn nodded and struggled to compose himself, pulling away from his brother and wiping futilely at his red rimmed eyes.  
  
Elrohir waited patiently till the ranger was at least breathing properly, then sought out his gaze and held it, "Now...what about Legolas?"  
  
Slowly, shakily, Aragorn related the tale to his brother, stopping periodically when his voice hitched. Elrohir was quiet through the retelling, ice blue eyes downcast, but when Aragorn finished he raised them and there was a solid determination in their depths. "We have to tell someone."  
  
Aragorn recoiled in fear and started to protest but Elrohir silenced him. "Estel, listen to me. If you truly want to help Legolas, then this I know for certain...keeping such a thing to ourselves is not the way. Everything I know is telling me we have to approach someone with this. I can speak to father--"  
  
"No!" Panic flooded the young ranger's wide eyes, "He will go to Thranduil! Elrohir, that will only make it worse!"  
  
The elf frowned, considering his brother's words. He sighed, "We will seek Elladan's council." Elrohir fixed the man with an unyielding stare, "Promise me that if he agrees with me, then you and I will go to father together."  
  
Aragorn hesitated, dropping his eyes to the floor. "I just don't want to make things worse." he murmured, the threat of further tears in his hushed voice.  
  
And slender hand gripped his knee and the ranger reluctantly raised his eyes to meet those of his brother, starting when he found tears there.  
  
Elrohir smiled sadly at Aragorn's surprise. "I care for him too, Estel," he assured in a quavering tone of voice, "I want only what is best for Legolas, just as you do."  
  
The two embraced, crying together as only brothers can.  
  
"I promise..." Aragorn whispered.  
  
~*~  
  
TBC... 


	8. Confrontations

Aragorn's heart was in his throat the next morning as he hurried to where the council was to meet. He was early but he wanted desperately to speak with Elrohir. Yesterday he'd haunted the most secluded portions of the valley all day and all night he had laid in bed, staring at the ceiling or the shadows in his room; always thinking over the elf's words. The young ranger still was not certain that his brother was right. But he trusted Elrohir and the decision had already been made.

The skies above Rivendell were again cloudless and the sun warmed his back as he darted up and staircase scattered with leaves blown down by the storm. His chest felt tight and his head was buzzing. Truthfully the ranger would have been far more comfortable fighting an orc horde that outnumbered him ten to one then toying with his friend's future like this.

Slowing his pace as he neared the meeting area Aragorn hung in the archway uncertainly, fingers tapping a nervous rhythm on the gray stone as his silver eyes scanned the elves already gathered and talking quietly to one another in small groups. Elrohir caught his gaze and immediately excused himself from the conversation, hurrying from his seat and pulling the ranger aside. "I spoke with El last night."

It took a moment for the elf's words to work their way through Aragorn's head. Once their meaning hit home a spark of white hot anger shot through him like a bolt of lightning.

_-We were supposed to do this together!-_

He quickly squashed the emotion, hoping it hadn't shown on his face. What was done was done. All that mattered was Legolas. Nothing else. Wrenching his attention away from his own petty annoyances the man concentrated on what his brother was saying.

"He will talk to Legolas about everything today."

Aragorn nodded and swallowed around a lump forming in his throat, feeling slightly ill with the sheer volume of anxiety chewing at his heart but also knowing deep down that this was right. His attention was caught by two elves slipping out of the council chambers.

Two pairs of eyes followed Legolas and Elladan till they rounded a corner and disappeared from sight. Aragorn sagged and let out the breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. Elrohir placed a hand on his shoulder, giving him a comforting squeeze, and the brothers went to find their seats. Each was praying silently but fervently to Iluvitar that Elladan would say the right things.

-o-o-o-

**(A/N: from here on out I don't remember much from my own story. The memories are hazy, blurred, jumbled together, and I don't completely know why. So because of that I cannot be certain which of the following conversations are fact, imagination, or a combination of the two. And partly for that reason I am also cutting this story short.)  
**

-o-o-o-

If anyone had bothered to ask Aragorn a question about what was mentioned in that council he would not have been able to answer a single one. His attention was a million miles away from that place. The ranger had forced himself not to stare at Legolas after he and Elladan slipped into their seats moments before Elrond again began the day's discussions. He avoided eye contact with the blond elf, feeling ill and uncertain of what his brother had said and how much of his own involvement had been revealed.

Much later he managed to corner the twins and breathlessly ask them what Legolas had said.

Elladan's eyes were dark and he seemed uneasy, "He says that he's not trying to kill himself."

Surprise and confusion hit Aragorn like double punches to the stomach.

_-But I heard him...I HEARD him...-_

The confusion pouring over him in bitter icy waves must have been quite clear on his face because Elladan threw up his hands with a defeated sigh, "What am I supposed to do? Accuse him of lying?"

Recovering himself slightly, Aragorn shook his head though still feeling a little numb and lightheaded. "No...if that's what he says then I believe him." The ranger stood for a moment just staring into space then turned on his heel and walked away, his mind even more of a chaotic mess then before.

-o-o-o-

_I hear a voice say "Don't be so blind"  
Its telling me all these things  
That you would probably hide  
  
It's all been bottled up until now  
As I walk out the door  
All I hear is the sound...  
  
Always... Always... Always...  
  
-Saliva-_

**TBC...**  
  
**(A/N: the next chapter will be the conclusion of this tale)**


	9. Epilouge

A/N: I had a much different, and longer, ending in mind but decided against it. It's hard to believe that it's been over a year since I began this tale...it feels so much longer. Many heartfelt thanks go out to those of you who stuck with me despite my erratic posting schedule...and many more thanks to those who kept my friend and I in your prayers. I would humbly ask that they continue though the story is now at an end. Well...this story anyway. My own will not see it's end for a very long time.  
  
-0-0-0-0-0-  
  
EPILOUGE  
  
-0-0-0-0-0-  
  
Looking back on those events Aragorn would later realize that if Legolas had truly wished to kill himself he would have been far more direct about it, and potentially no one would have been able to stop him. Nevertheless, the habit that the Mirkwood elf had almost fallen into once more was incredibly dangerous, and each time he was tempted to take up his knife for that purpose he was that much closer to taking his life into his hands...and possibly losing it with one fateful slip. That thought never failed to terrify Aragorn to the end of his days.  
  
He never regretted his decision to try and help his friend. And though he never fully comprehended why Legolas had chosen that particular course of action do deal with his inner pain...events in the ranger's own life allowed him to eventually understand the reasons and motivation behind it.  
  
Legolas would struggle with that darker part of himself for most of life. Some practices cannot be unlearned. Yet some can be overcome daily with the guiding hands of love, hope, faith, and friendship.  
  
The history books do not record what became of that corner of the Mirkwood prince's life, but they do show that he and Aragorn remained friends to the end. Draw what conclusions you will from those facts.  
  
-0-0-0-0-0-  
  
As the years go by  
  
I race the clock with you  
  
But if you died right now  
  
You know that I'd die to  
  
I'd die too  
  
You remind me of the times  
  
When I knew who I was  
  
But still the second hand will catch us  
  
Like it always does  
  
We'll make the same mistakes  
  
I'll take the fall for you  
  
I hope you need this now  
  
Cause I know I still do  
  
Until the day I die  
  
I'll spill my heart for you  
  
Until the day I die I'll spill my heart for you  
  
Should I bite my tongue?  
  
Until blood soaks my shirt  
  
We'll never fall apart  
  
Tell me why this hurts so much  
  
Still we'll say, "remember when"  
  
Just like we always do  
  
Until the day I die  
  
I'll spill my heart for you  
  
Until the day I die  
  
I'll spill my heart for you  
  
We made the same mistakes  
  
Mistakes like friends do  
  
Until the day I die  
  
I'll spill my heart for you  
  
Until the day I die  
  
I'll spill my heart for you  
  
Until the day I die  
  
- Story of the Year - 


End file.
